I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
