Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
