I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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