my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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