What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
