genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
