Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
