Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
