My brain says no but my pants say off.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
