my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
