Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
