dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
