yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
