I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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