dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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