I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
