Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize