Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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