worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found the puke drawer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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