margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
