there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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