East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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