I haven't been this sober since birth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
