I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
