need another drink. this is the easiest way
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
