..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
