Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
