We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
