You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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