At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
