D3 body, D1 cock
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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