woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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