and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
