I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
