You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
