I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
