garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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