And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
