Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
