I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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