i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
