Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
