So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
