alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
