i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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