I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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