She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
