he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
