I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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