maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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