Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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