i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
