Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm at about main and main street
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
