all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
