Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
