Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything