Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell