At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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