And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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