my vag is so smooth its legendary
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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