i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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