6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
worst night to have a conscience
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
