If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
