I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
