Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
