Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
