i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
