I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
