You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
