Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
