A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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