doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
