I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize