I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
