some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
