I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
