she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
