I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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