To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
